Down to Earth with a bump

I’m a bit shell shocked today and just remarkably sad. 

One of my ‘Myeloma Buddies’, an amazing lady who helped to get me through my diagnosis in the early days, died yesterday. I knew she had been very poorly but still hadn’t quite accepted that this was coming. Sadly after a number of years of severe bone issues, her kidneys failed and she took the decision to come off dialysis 2 weeks ago. 

As I sit here writing this, I can’t really find the right words to describe her. I don’t really like it when people call me inspirational, but she really was. She was absolutely passionate about her lovely family, choosing to do the most amazing things with them so that they had great memories. But somehow she managed to do all of that whilst also managing a dental practice, running a Ball similar to the one I held, and always putting her friends first. She chose to fight the cancer all the way until the end, and I chose the word fight carefully as I believe it really was how she saw it. She just wouldn’t give up until the very end, when I am sure that she felt she had no other choice. I got the feeling that she fought it for her children and her husband and her sister, if not for herself. She truly did teach us all how to live life even when it is tough.

I feel that I have let her down over the past few months….I have been so focused on me and moving my life onwards, that I have sort of left my myeloma friends behind me to some degree. I felt that I needed to let go a little. But I wish now that I hadn’t been so damn selfish. I would have so much liked to say goodbye to her and to thank her for making such a difference to our family. I was going to visit her but she wasn’t up to that and so I continued with my life. And now I regret it massively. So Mrs B, I know you had a strong relationship with God, so if you’re up there looking down, I am so sorry and I hope that you are at peace now. Thank you for your warmth and friendship.

 

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About Deb Gascoyne

I am wife of one, mother of two and a person in my own right :-) I have used my diagnosis of myeloma to allow me to focus on what I CAN achieve and not what I can't. My blog is a way of me spilling out....it is for me more than you I'm afraid. But if it helps you along the way, that is an absolute bonus for me :-)
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One Response to Down to Earth with a bump

  1. Jet Black says:

    It’s so hard when we make friends of people with myeloma/leukaemia, especially if they’re ahead of us on the journey. Each death is such a poignant loss and this one, for you even more so, as you’d made a closer connection.

    Please don’t be too hard on yourself though, about not being in touch with her. You made a decision to protect your own health/sanity and that was what you needed to do at that time. x

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