One big muddle

It’s been a while since I last wrote (hmmm…..a common theme to this blog!) so I thought I would try to find half an hour to write a new post.

Things have been absolutely manic here; Nick took a new job, Nick left aforementioned job and took 3 months off work to enjoy the summer, Rebecca started secondary school, Sam has had exams for his secondary school, we bought a house, we redid the house and we put the house back on the market! In addition, I have started working for myself in an attempt to revive some sort of career in the charity sector and/or HR (whilst still being available for the kids). And the result…..one very tired me, and life turning into a big muddle!

In many ways, I’m not really surprised. It’s a lot to keep on top of at the best of times, but when your memory is shot like mine has become, it becomes even harder. I used to pride myself on my organisation skills and my ability to do ten things well at the same time. And my ability to remember names and what those people told me. Now…..not a chance. I don’t really know why. It could just be getting older. I know my older family also struggle a bit with their memory. Or it could be ‘chemo brain’ that everyone talks about. My body went through a fair whack when I went through my Stem Cell transplant in 2011, and in reality, I am still on a mild chemo drug for my maintenance now.

Whichever it is, it can be remarkably frustrating though. I tend to be someone who has lots and lots of ideas.I’m sure it drives people round the bend as I always have something that could be done better! My issue isn’t coming up with the ideas though, it is actually managing to remember them through to fruition. The number of great presents I’ve thought about, and then before I know it, it is 2 days before I need it and I have no way of sorting it out! Or birthday cards that I get a month before the date and then forget to send and so I look like we don’t care! Or friends I think about regularly but don’t call because I or they will be busy, and then I forget until it is again, impractical (thank god most of my friends forgive me my lack of calls!)

I definitely need to come up with a plan. Lists are one thing, but I often forget to write it down before it is forgotten….or I end up with lists in places that I forget about….so very frustrating. When we, one day, get our new home (yup, still in rented!), I hope that I can set up a system with a great big whiteboard to use! It could well be the answer.

Anyway, let’s forget that for now (no pun intended). One great thing that has happened this month is seeing our 12 year old start secondary school. I look back to when I was diagnosed with myeloma in 2009 and remember how convinced I was, that this wouldn’t ever happen. I don’t even think the consultants wanted to put my mind at rest on that one. It is hard to put into words how it felt to see her walk away from primary school and start on her new journey….and how proud I am to see her do it all with such happiness. Sam will do the same next year and I don’t have to worry if I will see him off which is amazing. Of course I still worry a bit about the future. I’d be lying if I said there is never any concern about that but I do feel like the concept of seeing them off to University is a realistic one now. I’m not wishing their lives away, but I need things to keep focusing on and looking forward to…they help to keep me positive!

It’s also why work is so important to me. I’ve now set up (through necessity!) as a sole trader so that I can do corporate fundraising for a Birmingham based orchestra that helps the local community. I’m hoping, that if I can work well with them, it may lead to more work and help me to have a role within the house as well as being a mum and wife. Oh, and if anyone out there needs help with their social media, minute taking, internet research etc, I’m happy to take on roles like that alongside what I’m already doing!

Right, talking of work, I probably  ought to go and do some now! I have my monthly hospital trip tomorrow, and my niece’s hen weekend on Friday so as always, life is very busy!

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About Deb Gascoyne

I am wife of one, mother of two and a person in my own right :-) I have used my diagnosis of myeloma to allow me to focus on what I CAN achieve and not what I can't. My blog is a way of me spilling out....it is for me more than you I'm afraid. But if it helps you along the way, that is an absolute bonus for me :-)
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One Response to One big muddle

  1. I recognise the same symptoms. Cancer treatments can zap your brain cells as well as the cancer cells. I describe it like a bomb hitting a town – you have to make detours and rebuild (you can get better – it is not dementia). I was told to do repetitive things until I mastered them, then go on to another thing. I relearned to knit, I relearned my times-tables, I did exercises like a child to regain my balance. Bicycling is good because it exercises your physical and mental abilities, but be prepared in case you fall off. There is a good website for brain training: http://www.lumosity.com – just do the free stuff – don’t need to pay for the whole package. Lots of green food and finding something spiritual helps too. I started taking photos and blogging to help mine and it did – I hope your blog helps you too.

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