Happy Birthday to Me!

So tomorrow is my birthday and I’ll be 44!! Who would have guessed I’d get this far along the line – certainly not me when I was diagnosed nearly ten years ago.

And honestly I am so, so grateful to have got this far with relatively few problems or setbacks. But I can’t help but be slightly saddened this year and the pessimistic part of me (that I don’t often allow out with my myeloma!) is worrying that it could be my last healthy birthday. Totally ridiculous and without substance as I have as much chance of a good response to any treatment , as I do of anything else.

But at the same time, I’ve had 2 myeloma friends die in the past week and another, just tonight, has let people know that his body is nearing the end. I know that myeloma sometimes does a u turn in now it responds for people. Just because you’ve responded well in the past, doesn’t mean you’ll respond well in the future. It’s all a bit of pot luck!

So, I’m going to try and have a great birthday – a day out with Nick in Ludlow tomorrow (looking for old furniture for our renovated living area) and then a weekend away with my old school friends and our families. Hopefully lots of good food and good wine!

And for a few days, I’m going to try to put my insecurities behind me!!

About Deb Gascoyne

I am wife of one, mother of two (& a dog!) and a person in my own right😊. I have used my diagnosis of myeloma to allow me to focus on what I CAN achieve and not what I can't. My blog is a way of me spilling out....it is for me more than you I'm afraid. But if it helps you along the way, that is an absolute bonus for me :-) Diagnosed in 2009 with smouldering myeloma, I started treatment in 2010 and had a SCT in 2011. I’ve been on maintenance since then until November 2018 but my figures went up so am now officially relapsed and have just started DVD treatment (July 2019)
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8 Responses to Happy Birthday to Me!

  1. Lorna A says:

    Happy birthday Deb. I’m sorry if Mike’s news spoiled it in any way. I’m sure you will have a great many more too. x x x


    • Deb Gascoyne says:

      Aw Lorna please don’t apologise – I was just so sad for you and for him. If anything it has made me come out and be more determined to enjoy the day (don’t normally make much of an effort in my 40’s!)
      Thinking of you guys tonnes – must all be so hard at the moment. 😘


  2. This MM stuff is challenging and I still get feeling a bit sad when I realize that of the 15 folks I regularly followed back in 2007 when my SIL was first Rx’d with MM, you and a handful of others are still around and managing pretty well. Hearing about Mike and Lorna was sad because I know how much she has devoted in time and energy to him and wishing for a better outcome hasn’t happened. I hope your birthday was all you wanted it to be and that your team is finding some new ways to keep you in partial remission. My SIL did go through the stem cell transplant, but it was his sister’s cells that turned things around for him, not his own. We joked once afterwards that his DNA is now like his sister’s and if he was going to commit some heinous crime he should have done it before the Stem Cell transplant. May your ‘new year’ of your birth bring you unbounded joys!


    • Deb Gascoyne says:

      It was lovely thank you sandy. I had a very special birthday with old and close school friends which was so lovely as they live 3 hours from me now.
      It is so sad how many people have gone isn’t it. I feel so lucky to be where I am. Xx


  3. Thanks for sharing so much on your blog. I was diagnosed in Nov 2017 and had stem cell in March 2018. Now on revlimid and reading your experiences is helping. We are of a similar age and I too have kids. Thanks for writing so honestly. Matt x


    • Deb Gascoyne says:

      So glad it’s helping. Feel free to contact me if you ever have questions or just want to vent! Don’t always have the answers but know how it can be hard to talk to others who aren’t going through it themselves – no matter how much they care!
      How is the maintenance therapy going? Has it all settled down now? Hopefully it’ll last as long for you as it did for me!
      All the best


      • Ah thanks x it’s good to know I can reach out as at times despite having a wonderful husband and two kids, amazing friends and family, I find it hard to express exactly how I feel or how frustrated I am. Maintenance is going well and I am lucky I get it through private healthcare from my current employer. I am looking to go back to work soon but was looking to change companies into a less stressful role. Also seeing as my current company doesn’t really have a role for me anymore at my level after a year on adoption leave and a year sick for my transplant. A new company I was speaking to have the perfect role but their healthcare have confirmed they would not cover me due to my history. I called Bupa and it would be £1000 a month to carry on and that will only increase. So I am frustrated as I want a new role and challenge and to feel like ME again but at the risk of potentially one day having to come off maintenance. I might get a payout from the current people that could help for a few years but what when that runs out ? So in a quandary about being happy in a role I love or staying on maintenance. Your posts really help. Thanks x


      • Deb Gascoyne says:

        Wow that’s a really difficult situation isn’t it. I know that some people suggest that it’s not good to be on maintenance for too long. Even for me, I think that 8 years on it probably impacted my memory and my depression a bit. That said, coming off it does seem to be leading into a relapse…but that might have been on the cards anyway. Chicken and egg!

        Is there any way that you could just work for current role in a less stressful manner. With links between stress and cancer, the company probably HAVE to make adaptations to your health situation whether they want to or not? Did the adoption happen before or after the time out for health? They have some form of duty of care. Have you spoken with ACAS to get their guidance? (Sorry my old HR hat has come back!!)
        Feel free to email if you’d prefer to it being public? Gascoynedeb@gmail.com.

        Take care


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