Argh sat here on my sofa just waiting for my results. Good for nothing at all. I don’t even know if I’ll get them today as I even forgot my hospital appointment last week.

I mean….since when do you forget to go to an appointment that you can’t get out of your head!!! It was all I’d been thinking about for the week before and yet I forgot to go! Even when my consultant emailed me at the lunchtime about something else, did it make me go….ahhh, must remember my appointment….nope! I had genuinely got so stressed I thought it was a different day.

It’s not even like I’m waiting for something new. It’s still my paraprotein results I’m after. I’m still down to start treatment mid July.

Stupid really. On lots of levels.

That said, I am slightly more anxious at the moment as I have a bad back. I jarred it playing netball but 5 weeks later it’s still bad. It might be my own fault – I haven’t stopped playing netball as it keeps me sane….but each time I play it gets worse. But I don’t want to let the team down – we’re winning our league at the moment and are unbeaten. And I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep playing for.

I’m hoping it’s just an injury. But with myeloma, we all worry it might be bone injury. My consultant doesn’t seem that worried at the moment. My bloods might impact that. If they’re good he probably will remain unworried.

I just want them to come through!! I did get a letter about my next appointment – strangely for 8 weeks rather than the usual 4. Perhaps that’s a sign all is well? Or just a mistake!

Still no email as I finish this and he’ll be starting clinic shortly. Perhaps I’ll do some DIY to take my mind off things.

About Deb Gascoyne

I am wife of one, mother of two (& a dog!) and a person in my own right😊. I have used my diagnosis of myeloma to allow me to focus on what I CAN achieve and not what I can't. My blog is a way of me spilling out....it is for me more than you I'm afraid. But if it helps you along the way, that is an absolute bonus for me :-) Diagnosed in 2009 with smouldering myeloma, I started treatment in 2010 and had a SCT in 2011. I’ve been on maintenance since then until November 2018 but my figures went up so am now officially relapsed and have just started DVD treatment (July 2019)
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4 Responses to Waiting

  1. Tim Robbins says:

    Hi Deb

    Thanks for sharing your latest update.
    I can only begin to imagine the anxiety & stress that you’re going through at the moment. I don’t know if you’ve tried any breathing exercises (sort of Pranayama) before, but a while back I was introduced to a technique which works for me:
    Breathe in fully for a count of 4
    Hold breath for a count of 16
    Breathe out for a count of 8
    Repeat the cycle a few times.
    It doesn’t matter how long the counts are, so long as they’re in proportion.
    For me, I find it settles the buzzing, scattered, restless sensations that I may have caused by too much stuff going on.

    But hey, I’m no guru!

    Wishing you well for your next results and appointment☺



  2. Angela Smithies-was Thompson says:

    Sending you good wishes for your results and next appointment. My husband is a couple of years behind you. He is now 5 years on Revlimid as maintenance on the Myeloma Xi trial and still in remission. As for his memory it did get back following SCT although it has improved a little. these days. A few years ago he signed onto a myeloma UK webinar on the subject of memory loss and guess what – he forgot all about it and when I rang him from work to see how it had gone he remembered. I had even reminded him that morning a couple of hours before. I can imagine stress doing that to you though so keeping my fingers crossed that your results are good xxx
    Best wishes, Angela


    • Deb Gascoyne says:

      Thanks Angela. So glad to hear your husband is doing well – I haven’t got anything bad to say about MyelomaXI. I hope he continues to stay in remission for a long time yet! Xx


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