So another day on and I have to say this hasn’t been the relatively easy experience I had back in 2010. I don’t know if it’s because I’m older, whether it’s because my body is weaker second time round, whether it’s the different drugs or something totally different but I am NOT liking this drug regime so far.
Whilst those first two days in hospital seemed relatively straightforward the last two days have been tough. If you read yesterday’s blog you’ll know I’ve been struggling with what’s known as the ‘Dex effect’. After a day of feeling angry and cross about anything and everything, today it has been tears and emotions all day. Thank god by this evening it seems to be calming slightly. I’m still a bit teary but a lot better in general.
The new symptoms for today (whoopee) have been cramps in my calves and the wonderful side effect of diarrhoea. I did wonder about sharing that last bit but this is a record for me and also may mean that others going through the same treatment may realise it’s normal…or tell me that it isn’t and that I’m deluding myself!
I’m going to try and keep positive now that I’m coming out of my downward spiral, and hope that this first week will be worse than coming weeks due to the fact I’m adding new poisons into my body on a daily basis. Weird really to make myself feel so awful when I was feeling pretty ok before Monday kicked off.
I have to say, I’m not quite sure how I’ll do this for 6 months if it isn’t worse at the beginning. I suppose we’ll have to cross that bridge when we come to it. And hope that I still have people who love me at the end no matter what. Thank god Nick and the kids have managed this first few days. It can’t be easy seeing someone you love turn into someone you don’t really recognise. It’s hard to explain it in words on this blog.
Wish me a better day tomorrow…and hopefully my weekends will be a more positive experience too.
I would apologise for my language but genuinely I now understand what I didn’t last time I had treatment. People used to talk about the Dex effect and it turning people into a Jekyll and Hyde character – I never suffered and never really got it. A funny tasting mouth but that was it.
Oh my god is it different this time. I’m only on day 3 and I’ve already experienced every level of emotion possible, including the most massive anger and frustration. Now, admitting this, does not mean that the reasons for my anger are unfounded, but perhaps the way I’m expressing them and the depth to which I feel them are.
I’d like to scream at certain people. I’m not particularly nice to the kids even when they’re not behaving any differently to normal. Nick has just about got away with everything but I don’t know how long that will last…I think he might just hide away if he’s got any sense!!
I know we’ve got more going on than a lot of people at the moment but life has suddenly seemed to swamp me and other peoples selfishness really grates. Not only am I dealing with starting chemo and all that entails, my dad is about to head into the need for a lot more care after his fall and operation and I don’t know how I can help properly when he lives 90 minutes away. Our builders are progressing but they’re now likely to be in for at least half a week longer than we’d wanted. And that’s before we can try and find a decorator who we can trust to help. My work continues (as I want it to to be able to stay sane and need the money). The kids are on summer holidays while all of this goes on and are already struggling with the fact that things are different and more is needed from them. My back still hurts and to too it all I also have pain from sleeping badly. Thank god the sickness and diarrhoea that the dog had yesterday seems to have subsided.
I’ll leave it at that. Bah humbug that I am. But I needed to vent. Anyone have any idea how long this Dex effect lasts after you’ve taken the tablets? I’m hoping tomorrow will be a better and more positive day.