So it’s come to that time where I know I need to be looking for a new role in a new charity. I do really love the work mine does, but it’s no longer the right fit for me (take that as you see fit!)
It’s not that easy though. When I first took in the job I felt a strong ‘imposter syndrome’ and felt like I was doing a job I wasn’t good enough for and more than that, I was petrified of relapsing and them feeling I’d wasted valuable charity resources by applying. 30 months on and I’m proud to acknowledge that I’m pretty good at what I do. I work really hard, come up with great ideas and have hit targets in a difficult climate. Within my current charity they know what I do (even if not always recognised) and I wouldn’t feel bad now if something happened with my health to change the way I could work. I’ve given my all.
But! That’s not so easy if I choose to move elsewhere. If I relapse in a new charity I’ve let them down. But at the same time, I can’t stay where I am ‘just in case’. If I hadn’t taken this job 2 1/2 years ago, I’d never have had the amazing opportunity that I have had. But my health condition definitely gets in the way of me progressing where I am because I won’t work more than four days and they don’t want more senior roles to do less than five. I can’t do that. It’s just too much for me. I need that day to physically and mentally regroup and it helps me to work more effectively on the four, 10-11 hour days that I often do. It feels very short-sighted of them but what can you do. They won’t 100% say that’s why I can’t progress – after all, surely that would be discrimination, but it was clear from the start of this process that was the case. Despite many within the organisation thinking I was capable of a promotion, they have turned me down.
So, I have to think of what’s next. Where do I go and when. I don’t want to jump ship but I do want to go somewhere where I can be recognised and rewarded for doing a good job. Somewhere where they WANT to help me to develop and progress. And somewhere that doesn’t view me only doing four days as a limitation but as a benefit to them.
I actually got offered a role a couple of weeks ago. So much more money. But not right for me so I turned it down. I need and want to be happy in my role as fundraising is hard at the best of times.
I’m not wanting this to sound like a ‘Woe is me’ post, but it’s things like this that make decisions in the life of a myeloma (insert any long term illness!) patient hard. I’m relatively fit and healthy but it continues to affect all sorts of aspects of my life. And probably always will do.
Anyway, as an old friend of mine used to say (RIP Tom), onwards and upwards! Hopefully once I get this resolved their loss will be mine (and another charity’s) gain!!
Debs' Journey with Myeloma 