Another Year Older

Well tomorrow is my birthday and I am feeling really positive this year which is fantastic and a really great change. The last 3 years have been a bit of a blip….(haha, that’s an understatement!)…and I hope that I have now come out the otherside. in 2010 I was 6 months post diagnosis, and life was pretty much over. In 2011, I was working towards my Stem Cell Transplant, undergoing chemo and generally feeling crap. And last year, I was still recuperating, 6 months post transplant.

But this year, as I hit 38, I am feeling good. Both physically where I would say that I am pretty much 100% now, and mentally. And that makes me so proud of myself! Because no matter how easy it looks to people outside of my life, living with myeloma has most definitely been tough. And I am sure that it will continue to be so at times – it is hard to always remain positive and to look forward without the worries of what may come, but I am now as close to that as I have ever been, and quite possibly as I ever will be. 

I was sat talking to my sister and niece the other day, after my monthly check up, and it dawned on me that I actually believe myself now when I say that I feel like I could have many years in remission….and where before I would well up when people talked about their kids being teenagers, I now honestly believe I will be here to see mine argue, scream and cry on me!! And that feels so good. But I don’t really know what got me to that stage apart from time, and the most fantastic people around me who have let me be, and have allowed me the space to get there on my own. 

So after a week of snow, sledging with the kids, painting the house, and now my move to job hunting, I can honestly say that my head is in a pretty good place. I do still need to get work…I need a focus in my life while the kids are at school…..but that is more about the sort of person that I am in general rather than the myeloma. 

So as a myeloma buddy of mine would say…’onwards and upwards’. I think perhaps I might start planning my 40th now, and saving towards something big for my 50th!



About Deb Gascoyne

I am wife of one, mother of two (& a dog!) and a person in my own right😊. I have used my diagnosis of myeloma to allow me to focus on what I CAN achieve and not what I can't. My blog is a way of me spilling is for me more than you I'm afraid. But if it helps you along the way, that is an absolute bonus for me :-) Diagnosed in 2009 with smouldering myeloma, I started treatment in 2010 and had a SCT in 2011. I’ve was on maintenance until November 2018 but my figures went up so officially relapsed. I have been on dara since 2019 and had my second transplant in September 2020. Still on dara and keeping fingers crossed.
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5 Responses to Another Year Older

  1. Jet Black says:

    So good to hear you so positive. I know it’s been tough, I’ve been following your journey, both in writing and literally on my own hike through Myelomaville. Good to know there’s the possibility ahead of really believing in a long remission. I’m still at the recuperating and doubting stage. After going through one relapse, that belief feels more elusive. Thanks for continuing to keep us updated, Deb and good luck with the job hunt. x


    • Deb Gascoyne says:

      Hi Jet….I know how lucky I am in comparison to so many and I can promise that I never forget this. I know full well from speaking with many people, that the whole MM journey is so much harder psychologically once you relapse, but it is part of why I am so glad that I have finally reached a point of enjoying my remission and not just waiting for the relapse. I know what is to come one day, but I need to focus on the here and now. Take care and I hope that you are doing well with your recuperation. x


  2. Lovely to see you so feeling so positive about things, Deb, and looking to the future, which has been so painful for you to do in the past. Happy Birthday, and many, many more of them – have a big piece of cake for me !!


  3. ANother follower, cheerleader, jumping up and down with delight at this post! As a part-time caregiver, I know the MM road has some twists and turns but for some it gets a straight part where you can simply race on ahead and I’m intending your road continues this way for a long time – Happy Birthday!


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