It’s been a strange couple of days for me after my monthly treatment on Monday. I think perhaps I have been putting everything to the back of my mind and trying to forget that I’m not 100% yet…and certainly not free from myeloma.
Don’t get me wrong. Nothing major has happened. But I just found myself mentally crashing yesterday, for the first time in a while. I felt really strange, tearful and just not myself. It made me cross at the same time and all my patience disappeared. I had to take myself off to bed before I said something I regretted to someone in the house who didn’t deserve it! I then slept really badly and whilst I woke up ok today, have found keeping on top of things super stressful.
Some people might say that I was anxious about today’s consultant appointment too, but I genuinely don’t think I’ve had time this week to even consider it, let alone worry about it. On that note, we have a similar story to normal. My paraprotein has gone back up to 7.7- hmmmh didn’t have long to celebrate it being lower 🤣. That said, I’m relieved it hasn’t gone up. As my consultant said, he’s given up trying to find adjectives to describe my ‘yo-yo’ ing results. It baffles them. And even I don’t worry now – well not knowingly anyway. I’ll wait until there’s any sort of pattern before getting stressed out.
He also talked to me about vaccinations. I’ll be tested for antibodies for all those childhood conditions that were vaccinated against – MMR etc. Basically, when I had my transplant, it was as if they reset my body so they have to check if I have any immunity. If I don’t, I’ll get re-vaccinated. If I do, all is good. He also reiterated that I shouldn’t read too much into my antibody testing that I talked about last time. He firmly believes no one knows yet how to interpret the results and that whilst it’s good that I’m showing antibodies, that I shouldn’t relax and take my foot off the pedal.
That’s actually the bit of news I’m least happy with even if it doesn’t surprise me. We’d just started to relax a bit with how we’ve been managing our ‘covid lifestyle’ and I’d been looking forward to easing even further. (We even had a lovely evening round with friends last weekend!) Now I’m not quite sure what I should do. I have promised Rebecca that I’ll take her shopping tomorrow for a prom dress. I let her down last Sunday when I double booked by mistake. I can’t let her down again. But I wonder if I’m being stupid going into a shopping centre. We’ll just have to be super careful while we’re in there. And then I won’t do it again.
I also think it probably means that we won’t want to go to big gatherings where we don’t know that people are vaccinated. Even though I want to. Argh so flipping frustrating to not quite know what the right thing is to do and in reality no-one can help with that yet.
So I’ll just have to keep trying to be busy cycling and working and doing house renovations. Can’t say that there isn’t enough there to fill 2 weeks for every one that I actually have! I’ve just taken on a bit of extra work which is going to really challenge me even though it’s only a few hours – might even have to do some extra online social media learning!! I’m hoping it’s not one thing too far, as it seems to have coincided with my slight downward spiral! But it’ll be nice to be able to financially contribute a tiny bit to all the renovations we need to do this summer. Even if it is only tiny in comparison to what Nick brings in!
Anyway, another early night for me tonight, in the hope that I wake up in a slightly better frame of mind again tomorrow.